a lack of control

how do you write something when you have nothing to say when you cannot make the words come out when you cannot explain when you’ve lost complete

control

of all aspects of your life when you’ve realized there’s something rotten in your core when you’ve realized no amount of superglue and duct tape can put you back together.

control

how do you explain to other people that they are the problem, that maybe your mother is fine because she finally gets it and maybe your friend is fine because even if she doesn’t get it she’s there but everyone else is too loud too much even people who never talk at all. everything makes you want to scream and everything makes you want to pull your hair out but you don’t because you’re reactions are something you can

control

control is the most important thing in your life right now.

control

control is why i keep making world’s out of nothing why i keep putting things together why i keep building and creating and bringing new characters to life.

control

control is something that i lost in december and god knows when i’ll get it back i feel like i’m drowning and floating and some days i’m fine and some days i’m dying and lord knows why

control

control is the reason i don’t eat the reason i don’t sleep the reason i redo my room i need something in my life that i can

control

something that i can make sure goes my way something that won’t leave me won’t die won’t be

wrong

everything is wrong

everything is wrong and i don’t know how to make it right again but it’s not right its wrong and i don’t know why i don’t know what’s wrong

i know i redid my entire kitchen because it wasn’t right something about it was wrong so i took it apart and put it back together again because

control

except it’s not control it’s a lack of control it’s that it was wrong and it needed to be right i need

control

but barely anyone listens to what i say anyway and only one person out here really seems to care and how can I have

control

when nothing in my life works right this is why i create worlds it gives me

control

but all i really want is to be held to be taken care of why are all my characters sad because i’m sad because i don’t want to do anything alone i want attention and for someone to run their fingers through my hair and

speak

softly

please